Don’t Cool Ranch me, bra.


As I mentioned before, I was beyond thrilled to receive my grandmother’s recipe collection. One that immediately jumped out at me and brought me back to my childhood was the recipe card for Baked Oyster Crackers.

I mentioned this to my friend Ashley and she said her Mom used to make them when they were kids too.

It took three trips to the grocery store for ingredients (from memory shopping = not so good) – also how do I NOT already have onion powder? AND then I was ready to taste something memorable that I hadn’t enjoyed for probably 20 years.

ImageThe recipe is easy enough – mix everything together and pour over oyster crackers. Cook slow and low for an hour and you have an awesome treat.

There is only one negative… and I realized it when I was singing operatically directly into my husband’s face about 6 inches from his schnoz… these crackers give you the result of Cool Ranch Doritos mouth. (Why was I singing in his face? You watch a Il Volo you tube video on apple tv and I dare you NOT to sing in opera style.) He actually asked me to get some gum. (insert Stephanie from Full House “how rude!” sound effect here).

Side bar: don’t you hate that you avoid Cool Ranch doritos to not look like a grosso garbage mouth? Not that I eat a lot of doritos, but it’s engrained in my brain that narfs eat cool ranch.

Of course, I didn’t notice that I might be starting to stink/cool-ranching myself (new verb! Websters?) while I was gobbling down a mini-bowl of them. But do the math – ranch dressing mix and garlic powder do not a sexy date night make.

I still greatly enjoy, but need to have ready access to my toothbrush and Listerine before I inhale.

I still really like these – maybe I’ll skip the garlic powder next time?



  1. You never need an excuse to sing operatically 🙂 And yes…cool ranch breath is awful!

  2. My grandmother made this crackers too! Now I have to go find her recipe and compare…..

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